Resilience: Seeing the silver in it

Today I realized something i knew before, but this time deeper, more real somehow. The core of my soul, the thing that makes me, me, is thriving now, rapidly gaining speed and taking hold. It came with a sense of honesty and understanding, almost peaceful to know. Today I realized that above all else, I am resilient.

The word itself may not be astounding, or poetic, it does not inspire immediate envy or joy but it gives a sense of presence, a quality of time. It, in itself, is enduring, patient, willing and proud. Resilience is not in a moment, a minute or a year, it is a lifetime, an existence, it is endurance. Yet there is no pain, no bindings, no confines. It is a freedom from those things; it lasts a lifetime and a moment just the same.

Call it what you will, but today the right words came from the mouth of woman who had just lost her husband, she said, "You remind me of my late husband, he always saw the silver in it, it was wonderful to know him"

My life has been anything but calm, my personality the same, yet at the close of each day I am still whole, there is no harm done. It all has worked to put me here, and here's a good place to be. The "here" of course is transitory and changes to match each closing of each day, but such is the nature of being resilient.

It is not as much a “it could be worse” or a “there’s always tomorrow” sentiment: those, in truth, are not resilience, they are the optimistic hopes of a pessimist trying to block a moment from dragging them down. They are band-aids for an event, a word or deed, that did them wrong. They acknowledge the awfulness of the situation and pacify the hurt.

Seeing the silver in something doesn’t work that way. There is no judgment on the awfulness of the event or a rating of the hurt, there is simply what is left after the fact and what is left cannot be compared to that which bred it. The events that led up to it become a catalyst for a reaction that changes the reagants forever, there is no going back, nor is there desire to. Yet the change is never for the worse, not just in viewpoint, but in actuality. The result is never worse than before, or to the detriment of the act itself, it is shiny, bright with a silver lining. Always.

The truly resilient are those who have embodied the event, the act, not for it but for its effects. They know that life will change them and do not avoid its experience. They are blind to negativity but realistic of its purpose. They seem to learn from mistake where most would regret them. Perhaps their disposition has a drawback in that they are not good at the prevention aspect of life, or lack foresight to stop the events and tragedies that come their way. The silver lining types see all events as inevitable, a sure way to learn and move forward.

The best part about the word resilient is its implications. Those who see the silver in it are unable to see anything but that. They are not out of touch with the rest, the reality or the loss, but so much more firmly grounded in the shiny new lining that becomes visible. The lining does not obscure the picture just highlights it, outlines it, illuminates and makes it beautiful. The dark shape of doubt is brightened and becomes clear. What, before was too dark to see, is visible. Nothing can be awful with silver in it.

There is personal loss that leads to gratitude of small moments other wise forgotten when viewed in the pale silver glow of a resilient. There is the tragic drama of lies and fate that leads to radical acceptance of both self and others. There is devastating delays and deteriorating health that leads to a fuller grasp and embodiment of empathy. There are broken hearts and tears shed that lead to an honesty based on self worth and pride. There are moments of loneliness and times of solitude that lead to the appreciation of the company of others at inconvenient times. There are role reversals that teach patience, care and reason. There are rejections that teach perseverance and determination. There are doubts that teach assurance and there is a sense of a self destroyed that leads to an acceptance of that very self.

There is all of this and more in resilience. It is so much more that an the one word, one motion, one action. It is an attitude, a disposition, a never ending trait. It is always present, making one vulnerable and unprotected but guides us through the glare. It highlights, brightens and focuses the soul. It allows for and creates what wasn’t there before.

To be resilient is a gift to be cherished and shared.